31

My absolute favorite day of the year is coming. New Years Eve.

The Fall

This is quite possibly the best movie I have ever seeeeeen! It was absolutely incredible! It was so exciting. The cinematography was like nothing I've ever seen before and the story was so unique. The movie took over four years to shoot, and it was filmed in 18-24 (depending on what your source is) diffrent countries.

The movie reminded me of the deep deep passion that has been embedded in me for traveling. It was so cool, because Ive been to many of the locations in the movie. It made me soo excited. It made me start remembering. Remembering a lot of things. Mostly I remember who I am. I know for a fact that I was made in every way to travel the world and bring the good news with me. I know it. From my personality to my desires and dreams, I know I am made to go explore this whole wide world. I cannot wait to go do it!!!

packkkslepconcertspack

Procrastination will be the death of me.

Unless of course I procrastinate on dying as well...then idk what will happen.

;adsklfj

fail my first class in college by not paying attention..

check.

Perfect

Barefoot walks in the rain = life at its best.

It Doesn't take much

Tortilla + green tea with mint + rainy weather + Ingrid = terribly content

♥

Oh Sondre Lerche......

This Girl...

...(camille... not me obviously... haha) is the biggest blessing, I swear. She is such an incredible friend to have. I am so thankful and so lucky to have the friends that I do.

Camille, you are going to turn this world upside down someday. One person at a time, one page at a time.

God has brought you SO far and I see the things He is doing in your life. Really. Don't be afraid ok? Just take one step at a time. I CANNOT WAIT to see how he uses you in this world. He has made you so unique and you are willing....perfect combo if you ask me.

Blueprints

It is a little bit silly how much I try to "manufacture" certain results in my life. Like I feel like I have to try so hard and start doing certain things that I don't even like and that aren't natural to me to be able to serve God. Its funny though, there are some things that He has absolutely instilled in me. They are apart of my design -- my blueprints. It is those things above all else that God will use in me. Of course I can learn and grow in other areas... but why not just be ME? It makes so much sense.

I think the two biggest gifts that God has given me is the ability to love well, and to encourage. Those things come so much more natural than anything else. Its funny how much I try to create other ways to be used, when I can make such a difference with just that.

silly.

Yes

I love the simple things in life the best.

Yah yah yah!

Its such a good thing that God lives outside of out time and knowledge constraints. Like.. it would kind of be silly to give your whole life to someone who can do no better than you. I don't know. I was just thinking about this because I often try to take control...and thats just dumb, because flat out God knows whats better for me than I do. Its simple logic. I guess I'm just thankful that He is sovereign and smart and kind... as dumb or simple as that may sound, its true.

Carmelina

Well this is an akward moment. I'm currently in front of my spanish class playing a song hahah. I just gave my oral final... and now im finishing it off with this song.... jusssssssssssssssssst sitting here........ i thought id do something to take up the awkward time..... hahhhahah AY CARMELINA CARMELINA!!

Its funny cause no one has any idea that I am doing this.

THATS IT!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm going to Cuba in my lifetime! I know I can.

Moon is a Magnet

The moon is a magnet
Everyone's at it
Everyone's had it
Love is a sadness
Love is a madness
We are the addicts

What are we
If we're not in love?
What are we
If we're not in love?
These are the cages
A kiss is contagious
It will betray us all
A kiss will betray us all

Somebody told me
That everyone's phony
'Til somebody's lonely
I hope that you're lonely
I hope that you're only
Waiting to phone me

What are we
If we're not alone?
What are we
If we're not alone?
These are the cages
A kiss is contagious
It will betray us all
A kiss will betray us all

The moon is a magnet
Everyone's at it
Everyone's had it

- Jon Foreman

I'm really into this song right now.

P.s. Ignore the tacky video.. there wasn't really other options

Fortune Cookie

"If you carry your childhood with you, you never become older."

Some days..

....i just don't want to change out of my footie pajamas.... today is one of those days.

Ariel thinks I should just wear them to class.... I think she might be right.

mmmmmmmmm

Jon Forman in the morning.

Ahhhhhhhhh.

I feel like I'm breathing deeply for the first time in a long while.

Its incredible how far a little love and encouragement can go... as well as people just being real and honest. This world is so fake and cheap. Its been like strangling my soul.

I am indescribably thankful for my friends.

I'm..

.. very very Hume sick lately. Didn't expect that. But I am very much so.

P.s. I have written like 6 letters this week and sent out none.

I Want

This.

Memories

What I wouldn't give to live this day over again. That was one of the best most relaxing days of my life. I miss those mountains and those people.

More, Mas, Here, also, yah, yah, clouds <3.

Mundo Mundo Mundo

I really want to study abroad next fall. My current top 3 choices would be: Costa Rica, The Dominican Republic, and Argentina.

I think the DP is my top. I have been researching all of those places. I thought Buenos Aires, would be cool but it is SUCH a HUGEEEEE city. Its seriously scary looking. It looks bigger and more built up than freaking Hong Kong. I don't think I could handle that.

This is random but today I was people watching and looking at what everybody was wearing and I realized that clothes are reallllllly funny. Like we just choose random pieces of cloth and decorate our bodies. Thats what they seem like, decorations. haha

So many things that we never think about are so weird.

But yah, Im curious to see where I end up in a few months time.

La Boca

This is a super cool neighborhood in Buenos Aires, Argentina called La Boca. I think I might love it there. The whole city is colorful like this.

I <3

The Adventure Blog!!!!!!!!!!!!

Check it out

Luna

Oh my gosh. I am seriously obsessed with the moon. For real. It is the coolest/prettiest thing ever. I am so enticed by it!! I mean.. its just floating in the sky! Its an actual thing up there! dlfdajdfssjfd

The moon is extra bright and silver and wonderful tonight. I couldn't stop looking at it. I swear, I'm going to name one of my kids after the moon someday.

Oh and one last random moon thought. One of my very very very favorite things in the WHOLE world to do is this: I love to be on the phone with someone who lives far away.. or at least who isn't currently with you, and look at the moon with them. How cool is that? To be so far away but looking at the same thing. LOVE ITTTTTTTTTTT.

p.s. I miss living in the mountains. I also miss the view from my room in JWI. <3

I LOVE

NATURE!

Rosemery Krolik

My baby cousin is my favorite person ever. She is so freaking adorable! This is what she very excitedly told me today.

Rosie: "I MET MORMANS TODAY THEIR SO NICE!"

Me: "Yah, they are pretty nice people huh? Where did you meet them?"

Rosie: "I met them on the bikes they were on and they were whereing helmets!its was so cute! I love them!"

I Think I Have..

E.S.D.

Extreme Sneeze Disorder.

For reallllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll girlllllll.

School Is Hard

Especially since I'm not very .... schooly on the inside. Ya know?

blam blam

blam mbram bram. mbam.

bdudb gotz bop newt ben. spudam yam yam mam.

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

"The free bird leaps
on the back of the win
and floats downstream
till the current ends
and dips his wings
in the orange sun rays
and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks
down his narrow cage
can seldom see through
his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and
his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings
with fearful trill
of the things unknown
but longed for still
and is tune is heard
on the distant hillfor the caged bird
sings of freedom

The free bird thinks of another breeze
an the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn
and he names the sky his own.

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing

The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom."

- Maya Angelou

Story of our planet. There is hope of freedom my friends, hope of a love that is not bound by the restrictions of this restless world. This hope and this love are endless and very real.

ddfsnj

There is absolutely nothing that makes me feel more like crap than arguing. I absolutely hate it with every fiber in me. I hate it so bad. Prideful arguing just destroys relationships and tears down people. I hate it I hate it.

Beatitudes

This is one of the hardest/best nights of my life. It is war on the inside. I can't remember the last time I've felt this much pain. I've spent the last couple years trying to avoid feeling pain... but I don't want to run from it anymore. Yes it hurts, but it's in the pain that Jesus speaks the loudest. He is here for the broken. He is holding me so close. I don't know why I ever want to "have it all together". That is a scary place to be, because that is me relying on me.... and that gets me nowhere every time.

Cry out to God friends. He is listening and waiting and He loves us so dearly. I can't understand why. But it is SO evident...everywhere. I can't ignore it for long....even when I try hard to.

"...and he began to teach them saying:

³"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
⁴Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
⁵Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
⁶Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
⁷Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
⁸Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
⁹Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
¹⁰Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven...."

Jesus is the only source of life, light, joy, and love. I want those things and I want Him.

Passion

That is something that I am really starting to learn about.

Passion: "The degree of difficulty you are willing to endure to accomplish the goal." - J-Lew

My passion is often misplaced... and from me. Anything from me is not going to get me far at all. THAT is for sure!! I just want to honor God so bad and follow Him everywhere, but I reallllly need to just slow down, and re examine a lot of things in my life. My passion is going to fail and lead to nothing every time. I need to learn to take life day by day, and trust that if I am willing, then God will place His passion in me and will grow and nurture it to be actually something worth while and something that will endure and be used for His purposes.

Man I never realized I have such a hard time trusting.

Gah. Its hard being a dreamer sometimes.

Man!!!!

Everyone around me is hurting so bad. There is so much pain and I wish I could make it all better right away. I wish me loving them was enough to heal those wounds in like 5 min.

Well the reality is the wounds are heal-able. Please don't give up my friends!!!!!!!!! There is hope in Jesus and there is hope in Love! Please keep up the fight.

Thanks TC

Never Explain

"Never explain. Your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe it."

Just Being Honest

I am so encouraged because so many people that God used in the Bible to do huge things were seriously dense idiots. ha. There were lots of very intelligent powerful people but when it came down to it... they were as dense as me. God would show them right in front of their face how powerful He is and how He can deliver them from anything, but when it came time for action they were still doubtful and scared and forgetful. It so often was a process of learning for them and a process of trying again and trying again. Good thing God is faithful and patient!! haha. ohhhhh silly people.

Im really happy today!!! I think it could have something to do with the fact that I got 13 hours of sleep last night! ha.

EXHAUSTED

But "it is well with my soul."

This weekend = girls night, negev, car crash, and finallllllly mishpocha. Dang. It felt better than ever to see those guys. It blows my mind how much I love them. I am very relaxed yet very exhausted.

La Alma

Bike rides sure are good for the soul.

P.s. Tonights gunna be a LATE night. I predict 3am sleep time.

WOW

2010 NAS summer tour is going to be Australia, Tasmania, and Hong Kong.

ohhh mannnn. I would love to go. This is going to be an AMAZING tour.

Thankful

I am so thankful for love.

OK.

So.

I know that my birthday is not for quite a while... wait let me think..5 months away bahahha.

OK.

So.

I know that my birthday is not for 5 months.

However, as I was sitting here, writing my essay on the legal drinking age... I just decided that I want to have a "Wild Rumpus" birthday party. I usually don't like doing things for my birthday.... but if it was gunna be a wild rumpus... that would be very different. I hope I remember by then. It will be fun. Everyone can dress up however they want and it will be ok to be weird. (assuming other people also like to dress weird). And at the beginning we can yell, LET THE WILD RUMPUS START!

If no one else thinks thats a good idea.... its ok. I'll just invite Kelsey, and she'll be obligated to come cause shes my best friend.

Edger.

Edger. Story.

Ain't No Reason

I really always liked this song. Tonight I actually listened to what its talking about haha. The music video is a tad cheesy, but I LOVE what it communicates. (Though I still just never pictured Brett Dennen as a ginger).

Download..

... the Cornerstone Simi audio podcast, if you don't listen to it.

Listen to (well.... listen to allll of the podcasts..) but listen to "God is Strong. Am I?" Its so true, and so refreshing.

... Its about what I accidentally got into a debate with a 50 year old man over this weekend. ... I debate a lot of 50 year old men these days. ( I don't even want to). It is just something I have to stand my ground on. It had to do with scripture, and it had to do with "playing it safe".

Oi.

Friends are..

... a breath of fresh air. THANK YOU thank you thank you God for my friends.

Cuba

... you are hurtful. I just want to visit your country.

p.s. every time I make an entry on here... I feel like a traitor. I feel like I should give this time to my journal. This is my current one. Its almost done.

New Page

Let's just put it this way.... I have never done more crying in a three day span before. I think I actually felt real feelings this weekend for the first time in a LONG time. Really. I didn't realize how much I've been living on surface level everything.

This weekend was beyond words. By Sunday night, I was deeply joyful, sorrowful, terrified, pissed off, humble, uncomfortable, passionate, broken, healed, bold, content, real... really. I felt (and am still feeing) all of those things.... and it feels so good. I feel alive for the first time in a while. It feels so good to know that my heart is still made of flesh, and that it is still beating. How did I get to that place of stone cold complacency? That is some scary scary stuff. It felt so good to actually be moved by the Words of God, and to break over the contrast of what they are saying, and what my life looks like.

This weekend was nothing short of a wake up call.

Think twice about what you pray for... Some of my main prayers this last week have been of this nature: Open up my eyes. Let me just get a glimpse of who You really are, not who I think You are. Humble me. Let me mean what I'm saying. Convict me. Change me. Give me a passion for your Word and for You. And my favorite prayer ever "Heal my heart and make it clean, Open up my eyes to the things unseen, Show me how to love like you have loved me. Break my heart for what breaks yours, Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause, as I walk from earth into eternity." (which is from a song.. if you don't know.)

Well, in a span of 72 hours, God radically answered all those.. and WAY more. I'm exhausted...and it feels INCREDIBLE.

Sometime, in the last few months, and especially in the last few weeks, I, for some ridiculous reason, decided I knew everything and could do life on my own. Its not like I was thinking those words... but that was what was going on. I have been filled with SO much pride. Its crazy. I've basically been like.. ok God, I'm ready, so now I can do all these great things for you.

Pride strangles the soul.

Friday night I went to The Well. (Harvest's college group). It was such a refreshing gift. It was so good to be challenged and rebuked. You know...being rebuked (in love) is like the best gift ever. Anyway. Afterward, I got to sit down with my friend Alyssa. It was such a good time of fellowship. God was just putting one thing after another, after another, after another to confess to her and to repent of in front of her. We talked and prayed for a long time. We seriously just laughed for so long at what fools we are!!!! Seriously, I am so foolish. I think I have so much to say and offer, but I don't. I can't even do the common sense things in my life... like read that words that I claim to believe are instructions from the God that created everything. I feel like if I truly 100% believed that, my life would look a WHOLE lot different.

Sat morning, I went on a run, and did normal.. morning.. things. I was about to go out to San Bernardino to hang out with my Auntie for the day, and for some reason I thought of this. I have seen it a million times, but for some reason that time.... it just broke me. It was the final straw. I was crying so so so hard. I think it was because reality was starting to sink in. I was further remembering the reality of my life... that it's not all about me, and that I don't have it all figured out. That God is simply looking for me to walk with Him.. to talk with Him.. to be with Him. Later that night my aunt asked me to stay the night. I didn't really want to, cause then I would have to get up earlier... but am I ever glad that I did. We started talking about everything. Mostly about our family though. We started praying, and about half way through... I was convicted. I realized that I don't pray with the tiniest bit of faith most of the time. I don't believe that God will actually do what I ask. I confessed that to God, and He really changed my heart. Me and my auntie just spent hours praying and weeping for our family. It is a mess. It is full of so much pain, and so much confusion. It felt so good to be real with someone, to hurt with someone, to cry with someone, and to just beg God for change and for mercy with someone (actually believing our prayers were going "above the ceiling"). As we talked I realized so much. One huge thing I realized, is how much I walk around afraid. I am afraid that God won't come through. I am afraid to talk to my friends and family about God because of whatever stupid reason comes up at the moments. I am afraid I don't have what it takes.. for anything. I am afraid making wrong decisions.. the list goes on. She reallllllllllly encouraged me about my future in the Lord. For the first time in a long time, I was not just thinking "I know." in my head. Every word she said hit deep inside.

Then. Came. Sunday.

I went to church on Sunday with all of this stuff already on my heart. With the burden of my lost family members, and my lost friends heavily on my heart. (They are everyday, but more so than normal.) Pastor Alan opened up in Ezekiel 2. This part stuck out. "Son of man, I am sending you to the Israelites, to a rebellious nation that has rebelled against me; they and their fathers have been in revolt against me to this very day. ⁴ The people to whom I am sending you are obstinate and stubborn. Say to them, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says.' ⁵ And whether they listen or fail to listen—for they are a rebellious house—they will know that a prophet has been among them. ⁶ And you, son of man, do not be afraid of them or their words. Do not be afraid, though briers and thorns are all around you and you live among scorpions. Do not be afraid of what they say or terrified by them, though they are a rebellious house. ⁷ You must speak my words to them, whether they listen or fail to listen, for they are rebellious."

Then he moved to a passage out of Ezekiel 18. "²¹ "But if a wicked man turns away from all the sins he has committed and keeps all my decrees and does what is just and right, he will surely live; he will not die. ²² None of the offenses he has committed will be remembered against him. Because of the righteous things he has done, he will live. ²³ Do I take any pleasure in the death of the wicked? declares the Sovereign LORD. Rather, am I not pleased when they turn from their ways and live?"

Right around here.. I just lost it. I kept thinking about my family and friends. I have been so wrapped up in me, me, me. It is disgusting. God has even very specifically given me a certain message to give one of my cousins, and I never have. How can I say I love these people, yet not tell them the truth in love?

Then pastor Alan showed us this video. It is from Penn Jillette, a famous magician, and die hard atheist.

.... guilty. GUILTY GUILTY. I am such a fool! I've always known this deep inside. This consumes all my thoughts sooo many days. There came a point last year where I wrote some friends apologizing for this very thing. I knew that I couldn't say that I loved them, but not tell them the truth. "How much do you have to hate somebody to believe that ever lasting life is possible and not tell them that?" Seriously. I am more guilty that man even realizes. What He doesn't realize is that people can know God NOW. Its not even just about eternal life. That empty void can be filled, and the pain can be comforted today. Oh man, I absolutely lost it at this part. Like not the kind of crying where you can silence it. I was like snorting and gasping for air... the works. I couldn't stop.

Then. Alan read this... Ezekiel 33:1-10 (This was the message given to Ezekiel for the people of Israel. " ¹ The word of the LORD came to me: ² "Son of man, speak to your countrymen and say to them: 'When I bring the sword against a land, and the people of the land choose one of their men and make him their watchman, ³ and he sees the sword coming against the land and blows the trumpet to warn the people, ⁴ then if anyone hears the trumpet but does not take warning and the sword comes and takes his life, his blood will be on his own head. ⁵ Since he heard the sound of the trumpet but did not take warning, his blood will be on his own head. If he had taken warning, he would have saved himself. ⁶ But if the watchman sees the sword coming and does not blow the trumpet to warn the people and the sword comes and takes the life of one of them, that man will be taken away because of his sin, but I will hold the watchman accountable for his blood.'

⁷ "Son of man, I have made you a watchman for the house of Israel; so hear the word I speak and give them warning from me. ⁸ When I say to the wicked, 'O wicked man, you will surely die,' and you do not speak out to dissuade him from his ways, that wicked man will die for ^{a]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[a]} his sin, and I will hold you accountable for his blood. ⁹ But if you do warn the wicked man to turn from his ways and he does not do so, he will die for his sin, but you will have saved yourself.

¹⁰ "Son of man, say to the house of Israel, 'This is what you are saying: "Our offenses and sins weigh us down, and we are wasting away because of ^{b]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[b]} them. How then can we live?" ' ¹¹ Say to them, 'As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign LORD, I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that they turn from their ways and live. Turn! Turn from your evil ways! Why will you die, O house of Israel?'"

I thought I was crying before. What an evil and wicked friend I am. aerieufnhdiuvnhdiuofvnhjiudfgniv. What the heck is wrong with me? Why am I so selfish and wrapped up in me? Who cares if a friend doesn't like me if I tell them they need God... how can I possibly love them and not tell them? Friends and family... I am so deeply sorry for not loving you more. Forgive me. There really is a God who loves you. He has dealt so gently with me. I'm sorry for all the times that my life doesn't show that, and for all the times I don't just put an arm around you and tell you that. It is obviously not my place to try and"proselytize" anyone, as Penn puts it (convert), however it absolutely is my place to just share

the beauty of the truth that I know, and pray that God opens up hearts to His truth.

This weekend was such a blessing. I received so much love and gentle correction... but woe to me if my life looks no different now... today.. then it did last week. What do I possibly have to fear?

Today I have some simple reminders graffitied on everything. haha. The front cover of my Bible reads " This is not my message, it's Gods message." I also have :

People at school always ask whats written on my hand and stuff. I always just show them and say.. reminders... I'm to dense to remember stuff with out it being right in front of me.

P.S. (Don't beat me mom)

Courage

"As I grow in my knowledge I want my courage and my boldness to grow with it."

word.

I want to actually look like a child of God. I want to be absolutely fearless and courageous.

Last Night..

... was SUCH a blessing. It have been refined once again. My heart has been corrected.

I have been neglecting the here and now SO badly. I've only been focused on the future. But I am such a fool to assume that I have tomorrow, much less this summer, much less 5 years.

Agreed

"We become more and more cowardly, and call it responsible. " - Francis Chan

Owie

woekmfdo. papersdfsdd.

Man Oh Man

Got this on the brain.

Not conducive to writing a paper on the zealots. I haven't started yet...a slkdjfskldvkljvhldkzsfzdfklsjfjlkdfsbldkjfsn. I need to reallllllly work on this procrastination thing. But I met some cool kids tonight, and they surf... and we talked about it all night.... and now thats where my brain is stuck.

Word.

"Anything too stupid to be said is sung."

hjbhbklk

jkjfhj!!! wehshhhh!

Does ...

..anybody else love JET as much as me?? Sooooooo goooood. It seems I've never heard anyone talk much about them, but I feel like they are as good as they come.

P.S. Look at THIS!! Ooooooh! Oooooooh! PICK ME!!! PLEASE!

We..

.. CAN.

May...

...my life shine this bright.

(wow. creation is BEAUTIFUL btw)

Creativity

Is liberating, beautiful, and refreshing in this stuffy, dark, routine world.

WHEW

I am burning with fury and passion today at just a taste of injustice. I am seeing a first hand glimpse of what slavery looks like and what it does to people.

Man, fighting evil with love, gentleness, and truth is NOT for the coward.

All of this lead me to thinking about slavery on a global level. There are millions of people enslaved to other people all over the world. It is disgusting!!! They do not belong to people!! They are the creation of the God that crafted the universe, the oppressed, and the oppressors. They are not a number. They are someones mom, dad, niece, brother, and best friend. They all have names and favorite colors. They all have eternal souls. Man I am so ignorant to what is really going on in the world.

All of these thoughts brought me to research. This is the first thing I have found.

I Do Dare

"What is, therefore, our task today? Shall I answer: “Faith, hope, and love”? that sounds beautiful. But I would say – courage. No, even that is not challenging enough to be the whole truth. Our task today is recklessness. For what we Christians lack is not psychology or literature… we lack a holy rage – the recklessness which comes from the knowledge of God and humanity. The ability to rage when justice lies prostrate on the streets, and when the lie rages across the face of the earth … a holy anger about the things that are wrong in the world. To rage against the ravaging of God’s earth, and the destruction of God’s world. To rage when little children must die of hunger, when the tables of the rich are sagging with food. To rage at the senseless killing of so many, and against the madness of militaries. To rage at the lie that calls the treat of death and the strategy of destruction peace. To rage against complacency. To restlessly seek that recklessness that will challenge and seek to change human history until it conforms to the norms of the Kingdom of God. And remember the signs of the Christian Church have been the Lion, the Lamb, the Dove, and the Fish … but never the chameleon."

I am so torn. Deep in my heart, I cannot deny that these are my desires. I desire to be hopelessly reckless for Jesus, going anywhere at anytime to do anything happily. Being willing to give up my life at every second. So much says no though. Like culture, church, my parents.

I guess I must go to the word of God alone. I want to be responsible and a good steward of my life and everything I have.... but DANG IT! I only have on life!!!! I simply cannot just keep it for the sake of keeping it. What foolishness. Again, I am torn, and again, I must go to the words of God.

Not to Us..

... but yo YOUR name, be the glory.

This Life...

..is so full of death and destruction. Thats all it is at all apart from Jesus Christ. He is the ONLY source of life and hope and joy.

DANG IT!!!!!!!!!!! It hurts so bad to see friends go through hell. My heart breaks for them, and I'm filled with fury because of the way people indulge in evil and make the innocent suffer.

Our Only Hope of a Future

"Once we get the cats maybe we can train the cats to do other cool things, and we could be a traveling cat circus of sorts and we could also make money from that, to expand into a cat farm.'

- Stephanie Waite

Letters

like tea, like the park, like the sun, like the ocean, like jazz, like naps, like family, like friends, like music, like art...

are good for the soul :)

Oh Dang

"If they come for the innocent and do not pass over our bodies, then cursed be our religion."

I desperately want my life to reflect this. How here and now?? How ever?

Ughh

Finally, I am choosing Joy again.

Man, last week was a hard week. This one will be hard too, but it's new and beautiful. I am alive, have a purpose, and am filled with joy. More than that, I am at rest in my soul. I am at peace.

Astonished

I am utterly astonished at all the blessings I have in my life. REALLY. I am so thankful. Heres a glimpse of my weekend:

I am very encouraged right now. This weekend was exactly what I needed, in every aspect.

I am so relaxed and ready to move forward this week. I am convinced that sometimes resting is the most productive thing you can do.

Thank you so so so much friends and family who love me. You mean the world to me. God uses you tremendously in my life and blesses me so much through you. I wouldn't trade you for anything ever.

Umm, One More

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." - Eleanor Roosevelt

Thanks, Rosie, thats refreshing to hear for once.

Chin Up

"Optimism is the foundation of courage." - Nicholas Murray Butler

Solvang

"A handfull of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains." - Danish Proverb

Hope

"It is risky, and yet we are people of faith, believing that giving is more contagious than hoarding, that love can convert hatred, light can overcome darkness, grass can pierce concrete.."

Oh please oh please oh please!!??

Gandhi

"There is a sufficiency in the world for man's need but not for man's greed."

The man knew a thing or two.

Irony

This day was wonderful. This night is awful. For lots of reasons.

It takes so much for me to get this upset. ladsk;fldskfj;ladskfladfsk;jlihf.

Praise God for everything anyway. As hard as it is. Praise God for my family, that i get to go to school, that i live in a free country, and that i have wonderful friends. I really have to much to rejoice about. Especially the fact that God strengthens me and comforts me in hard times like this, and that He gives me joy when I have none. Im not just saying this just because.. i really mean it. May God be thanked even when everything seems to suck. He knows what Hes doing, and He still deserves my best.

Meet some wonderful friends who are wonderful at cheering me up (though I am blessed with many of those...these ones did the trick tonight haha):

My Kloos. The best friend I could ever ask for. Period.
Negevsies: same story, always encouraging me and pointing me back to the Word of God.

Miles Davis: .... ok so we dont hang out or anything. haha. But ohhhhh miles davis. He is soothing to the soul. (like a cup of hot tea, or a good nap... both of which I could really go for).

Let it Be

Life is Such a Beautiful Gift!!!! I can't help but smile today and just take in deep, deep breaths of fresh air. AH!!!!!! Today is just one of those days I am overjoyed to simply be alive.

I can assure you thats not from me, last night I was stressing out.. a lot. But I prayed.. A LOT. And today, my heart is renewed. I have so many reasons to be joyful in my life. I can't help but just rest in that fact today, and be happy.

Some wisdom from a friend today:

• "If you are open to it God will use you, it doesn't have to be something crazy elaborate. Just let it happen. thats why i have named the theme of this year "let it be"

• "Dream big, never lose that, let God weed out the bad ones and gives you good ones."

• The "Bottom Line": God is in control, He knows whats best, and He loves you.

What a gift friendship is.

Once Again...

...I sure do heart Josh Ritter.

"The crickets all lept up and met the moon with a standing ovation."

Christmas Present anyone??

Oh my gosh! I want these sooooo bad! They are only 4 dollars. Someone should Christmas gift it up! BEARDS HERE

iTunes...

... has one audio book on Masada that I could sure use for my paper.. but its in Spanish!! Shoot.... I'm thinking about getting it still!

I Miss..

...Ronny and Boaz.

Ode to Steph and Hanna

I miss you guys. This reminds me of you.

I Know How the Caged Bird Sings

Quote Night

"What the world needs is people who believe so much in another world that they cannot help but begin reenacting in now."

I pray that my actions are from pure motives like these.

Oh Baby

" I'm not sure we need more churches. What we really need is a church." - Claiborne

(Reminds me of Ephesians 4.... Read it)

Return

You must excuse the tacky photos. ( I do not have time to make them all fit right now either. Got a lot of hw.. anyway).I want to go back to Israel so so bad. Out of the 13 countries I have been to, hands down this is where I would want to live for a while. There is something about it that I love so deeply. There is so much to learn there. So much to explore. So much beauty. So much rich culture. So much peace.

Yet there remains a sense of sadness. Gods people.. lost.

I pray I can return here.

I sure do..

.... Love my dad so so deeply. I am really so blessed and thankful for him. I can't ask for anything more in a dad. We've had a lot of rough times in our relationship, but we are really by the grace of God pulling through. While we still go at it sometimes (probably because we are very alike..), our relationship is so much deeper and so much stronger than ever before.
He shows me the love of Jesus. I really don't deserve the unconditional love my dad gives me. I am ungrateful to him and prideful towards him on a regular basis, but he loves me anyway. When I come to him and tell him about all the crazy things I want to do in life, he fights it. We debate, we fight, we agree, we discuss, we butt heads, and it is all because he loves me. I am so grateful to have have two parents who love me so dearly. I do nothing to deserve their love.
I pray that one day, we can side by side serve the Lord together. On the front lines. Fighting with all we have. A family united in Christ? Now that is a mighty force that cannot be stopped.

Check It Out

http://preemptivelove.org/

http://preemptivelove.org/about/

http://preemptivelove.org/blog/

This is worth your time.

Thanks Hanna.

Oooooooh. They offer summer internships in Iraq......

Dear Mom and Dad.....

Happy Song.

"Over hill
Over dams
I run with you
If it works
If it fails
I run with you

Since fifteen
I have ran
Everywhere
You can run
But together is much better
So let's run let's run let's run

Empty hands
Tired feet
I run with you
On the sand
Over concrete
I run with you

Since fifteen
I have ran
Everywhere you can run
But with you
It's much more fun
So let's run let's run let's run

It doesn't matter that they say we'll never make it
It's so strong that nothing can ever break it
You and I can tackle anything of any size
All anyone can ever want is a co-pilot
Someone to leave this town and
Up and start a secret
And when you sneak out at night
I'll kiss you right between your eyes

Over hills, over dams
I run with you
Down the mountain
Through the trails
I run with you

Since I was fifteen
I have ran
Everywhere you can run
I'm not done with my traveling
So let's run let's run let's run
I'm not done with my traveling
So let's run let's run let's run
I'm not done with my traveling
So let's run let's run let's run"

Run, Ben Kweller

I...

.... am a fool so often.

Friends..

... Are such a blessing. I am so thankful to have REAL, TRUE friends. That is a wonder in life that sadly some people don't get to experience. I am thankful to have people in my life who always encourage me and stand by me. I literally can't believe it right now.

So thank you everyone. I love walking through life with you, you are a gift to me. May we continue to "press on toward the goal, to win the prize, for which God has called us heavenward in Christ Jesus."..... together.

The only road worth walking.

The Best..

... wisdom I've been given in a long time. (don't know that theres better in fact.)

"Just keep the main thing, the main thing, all the days of your life."

Carpe Diem

"What would my life have looked like if I had started risking earlier?"

This is a very encouraging and thought-provoking phrase to hear, from a man who is currently making a big difference in the world. What can I do today Lord????????? I don't want to get to 40 and look back and have any regrets about the time I have RIGHT NOW. Shoot, I don't want to get to 20 and feel that way.

I Think..

... exercising more would really help me with my school work. I am having such a hard focusing and I suspect that's a big reason why. I'm not exercising much, so I'm not hungry and thus don't eat much.. thus I don't have much energy .... thus I can't really focus much....

eh? eh?

I want to make time for it. Along with a lot of other things for that matter.

I am very thankful and happy to be alive today btw. I have so many blessings. I hope I can share some today.

I Love the Smell of Elevator Man Essay in the Morning

I love this song more than ever.

"Lord, now indeed I find
Thy pow'r and Thine alone,
Can change the leper’s spots,
And melt the heart of stone

’Cause Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe.
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

Oh priase the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead"

hahahahhaahahaha

I was searching name meanings and came across this. Its funny cause I feel like a lot of it accurately describes me. It makes me laugh though because of the terms it uses "soul urge" and "inner dream". I feel so Ojai / New agey.

I miss you Ojai.. this is a tribute to you. hahah.

This is interesting though how accurate a lot of it is.

You entered: Heather Alicia Brooks

There are 19 letters in your name.
Those 19 letters total to 90
There are 9 vowels and 10 consonants in your name.

What your first name means:

English

Female

A flowering evergreen plant that thrives on peaty barren lands as in Scotland. Heather.

Your number is: 9

The characteristics of #9 are: Humanitarian, giving nature, selflessness, obligations, creative expression.

The expression or destiny for #9:
The expression that you exhibit is represented bythe number 9. Your talents center in humanistic interests and approaches. You like to help others as you were intended to be the 'big brother or big sister' type. You operate best when you follow your feelings and sense of compassion, and allow yourself to be sensitive to the needs of others. You work well with people, and have the potential to inspire. This suggests that you could successfully teach or counsel. Creative ability, imagination and artistic talent (often latent) of the highest order are present in this expression. It's possible that you're not using or developing all of these capabilities at this time. Some of your talents may have been used at an earlier time in your life, and some may still be latent. Be aware of your capabilities, so that you can make use of them at appropriate times.

If you are able to achieve the potential of your natural expression in this life, you are capable of much human understanding and have a lot to give to others. Your personal ambitions are likely to be maintained in a very positive perspective, never losing sight of an interest in people, and a sympathetic, tolerant, broad-minded and compassionate point of view. You are quite idealistic, and disappointed at the lack of perfection in the world. You have a strong awareness of your own feeling as well as those of others. Friendships, affection, and love are extremely important.

Undeveloped or ignored, the negative side of the 9 expression can be very selfish and self-centered. If you do not actively involve yourself with work that benefits others, you may tend to express just the opposite characteristics. It is your role to be very involved with other people and their needs, but it may be difficult for you achieve this role. Aloofness, lack of involvement, and a lack of sensitivity mark the low road of this expression.

Your Soul Urge number is: 7

A Soul Urge number of 7 means:
With a number 7 Soul Urge you are very fond of reading, and retreating to periods of being alone and away from the disruptions of the outer world. You like to dream and develop you idealistic understandings, to study and analyze, to gain knowledge and wisdom. You may be too laid back and withdrawn to really succeed in the business world, and you will be much more comfortable in circumstances that are tolerant of your reserve, your analytical approach, and your desire to use your mind rather than your physical being.

You are very timid around people that you don't know very well, so much so at times that casual conversation and social situations can be strained. You tend to repress your emotions to the extend that some people have a good bit of difficult understanding you. You tend to be very selective with friends and you don't easily adapt to new environments or to new people very quickly.

The negative traits of the 7 include becoming too much the introvert and isolated from others.

Your Inner Dream number is: 11

An Inner Dream number of 11 means:
You dream of casting the light of illumination; of being the true idealist. You secretly believe there is more to life than we can know or prove, and you would like to be provider of the 'word' from on high.

Jobbing

Prayers appreciated!

Paul and Timothy,

meet your new friend James.

I think you will get along just fine.

Is It Strange...

... that two of my favorite parts of the day revolve around my bones popping? haha.

.. don't answer that.

Seriously, everyday I get excited when its time to get off my bike cause my hips pop and it feels soooo good. Also at night when I go to get into bed, my ankle pops and that feels good too.

bahashbfdkjadsklfhgj its the simple things in life sometimes.

LIKE BRETT DENNEN with iced peach green tea and mi santa biblia.